Day 5: Choosing Life

St. Ignatius says that everything has the potential of calling us forth to a deeper life in God, even the evils and difficulties we encounter in daily life: sickness, failure, poverty, shame.  To "choose life" means, for me, to choose to use even my failures and my weakness as a path to deeper life in God.  So I am weak?  Let my weakness make me humble and so draw me closer to God.  So I am sick and suffering?  Let my suffering increase charity and empathy in my heart and actions.  So I am ashamed?  Let my shame teach me selflessness, and let me learn how not to let what others might think keep me from doing what is right.

The idea of being "pro-life" has been far too rigidly applied to the idea of being anti-abortion that we fail to see its broader implications.  Being "pro-life" is more than being anti-abortion; it's also even more than being in favor of social justice for poor women and children, although I believe it must incorporate both.  Being pro-life means letting go of our conceptions of what our lives should be like and embracing the abundant life God offers to us.  

The deep social crime of abortion is that it incubates a culture of shame: of fear, of anxiety, of closing in around ourselves, of seeking to control and predict and determine what the future will be.  This is the sin of Adam and Eve, who out of fear disobeyed God, seeking a life that they could control, not recognizing that the small span of things that are within our control are nothing compared to the abundant and eternal life God offers us - a life full of surprises that can only be encountered when we let go of our desire for control.  Being pro-life, when applied to a circumstance of pregnancy, means being willing to be surprised by another person that God has allowed to enter into our lives.  It means letting go of control, because only when we let go of what we think life should be like can we free our arms to embrace the fullness of life God wants to offer.

This kind of being pro-life is not about a rigid attachment to mortal life on earth.  Indeed, being pro-life in this sense 
demands the recognition that life on this earth is not an ultimate end in itself.  Sometimes the political pro-life movement gets too tied up in the idea that mortal life on earth should be protected at all costs.  And this logic leads to absurd attempts to keep brain-dead people on life support no matter what the cost to their dignity.  But this is not really pro-life: it is a decision made out of fear, not out of loving trust in God.  And anyway, this tenacious clinging to mortal life is not really a Christian value.  Christians have always known that life on earth must sometimes be sacrificed for the sake of God's life in us and in others.  This is the point of martyrdom, of self-sacrifice.  Being truly pro-life means being willing to sacrifice oneself, one's own desires, for the sake of bringing more abundant life into the world.

How often does shame keep us from choosing life!  The irony of Adam and Eve is that they sought to be wise ('arum) but ended up knowing only nakedness ('arowm) - and they grew ashamed.  But the way to break the chains of shame is not to be unashamed.  The key is not to take a defiant stance and say: "I am not ashamed!"  Especially when we have done things to be ashamed of!  The key is to face up to shame, to be willing to suffer the scorn of the world.  The key is not to run away from it by protesting our innocence, but to confront it, embrace it.  To acknowledge our shame before God is the first step in reclaiming our dignity as God's children.  Only when we cast off the false clothes of pride and admit our fundamental nakedness can we submit to being "clothed in Christ."

The saints knew how to embrace shame.  I was watching the film Becket this morning, and there's a poignant scene where Becket, taking retreat in a monastery, wonders whether the happiness he's found in his asceticism isn't a too easy path to holiness.  He resolves to resume his responsibilities as archbishop, to return to England and face Henry.  By many, this decision might be seen as ambition.  A refusal to let go of his power.  His humility might be seen as a sham, a ploy, a strategic pretense.  But when, as Fulton Sheen says, we have an "undisturbed mastery of ourselves," we will be able to face the shame of having our motives misunderstood.  Becket is holy precisely because he is willing to be seen as unholy for the sake of holiness.  

It's shame that keeps me hiding.  I feel that I do most things based on what I think others will think.  I want to be thought well of, I want to be admired, I want to be liked.  But this is death to my soul.  May I have the courage to face my shame: to let it accuse me, to stand under its judgment.  It's only by allowing myself to stand accused that I can permit God to come to my defense.  And it's only if God defends me that I can do anything good, right, holy, life-affirming in the world.