Do I allow God to test me?
No. I am afraid of failing.
But God does not want me to be afraid. Listen to the words of Moses as he begs the Israelites to endure the greatest test of their faith: The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14)
I spend so much time hoping for a sign from God. If only I knew what God's will was, I tell myself, then I would do it. In the absence of a clear sign - a voice from the heavens, a miraculous occurrence - perhaps it's safe to assume that God is permitting us to choose. Perhaps there is no "one right answer" that reflects God's will. Perhaps, so long as we are not ostensibly sinning, God is willing to work with us and the choices we make. His power is more flexible and more creative than our weakness and limited judgment. So perhaps we oughtn't put so much pressure on ourselves to find the one right choice that will reflect the will of God. God is not a sadistic test-giver who offers us a billion choices and expects us to pick the exact right one. We pray, we ask for God to guide us, then we make our choice - and offer it to God.
But another question that is important to consider is whether we are acting out of fear, or confidence in God. Confidence not in ourselves: confidence in God. Do we trust that God will fight for us? If fear is motivating our decisions in life, then perhaps that is a sign that our choice is not God's will.
God wants us to trust Him and to love Him. Make the choices that will deepen that trust and love.
Where, then, does prudence enter? Certainly God gave us our brains; I don't think He wants us to be reckless and foolhardy. Having confidence in God does not mean jumping off a tall building and expecting Him to rescue you. When is prudence a tool that helps us discern God's will - and when it is a tool manipulated by the devil to keep us from doing what is right?
I am afraid of my weaknesses. My impatience, my lack of love. Can I nail these weaknesses onto the Cross of Christ? Can I let God set free the Christ in me?
Perhaps the only way to defeat our weaknesses is to make the choices that will best enable us to confront them. If you are impatient, seek out situations that test your patience. If you are lacking in love, seek out those who are difficult to love and try to love them.
Remember that God prunes the fruitful branches. Being pruned is painful. It means being pinched and cut, prodded and poked. Sometimes it means that the avenues in life that seem to us to be fruitful must be plucked out. But this is only so that more fruitful branches - ones that we could not anticipate - will grow in us and our lives.
Can we face the fingers that prune us - the situations that challenge our faith, test our weaknesses, move us to greater confidence in God?
Pray, pray, pray that He will fight for you.
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